I have now been alive for two decades.
I have learned that no matter how many people care for me, and how many people will help me out, I am always and will always be essentially alone. I am the only one who can make me change.
I am an emotional person. I am loyal, I care deeply, but I am stubborn. These things are who I am. Some people might say that being emotional is a drawback, that I shouldn't take things so seriously, but I refuse to be told that caring about things is a vice. I am a functioning human being, and I feel things, and I will never suppress my emotions.
I am alone. I don't really know where my life is heading, and I don't think about it often. I'm not sure what career I want, and to be honest, I feel apathetic about it. I'll figure out what I want to do, but I hate being pushed into things, and I hate that some people will push me and tell me to do things "before it's too late". There is no such thing as Too Late. I don't worry about getting the car, the house, the husband. I don't want that life at all. I see no shame in renting. I see no shame in just living day to day and seeking out the little things to make me happy. I see no rush to get married and whip up some children. My one goal to achieve in my life is to adopt children - to give some kids a home to feel comfortable in, and to know that someone does care about them.
But there will never be a Too Late for that.
There are a lot of things I wish I had done by now, but I still have a long time left to do them.
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3 comments:
I like reading your blogs. More please!
Thanks Ainslie - I'm trying to keep writing. Just had a bit of a rough couple weeks there and didn't want to write.
Trying to get back on the horse :)
Wanna have dinner or coffee or drinks sometime soon?
Honey girl, you are so not alone. I know it feels that way, but you are not. There will be people who come into your life who will blow you away with the openness of their hearts, and what they will do for you.
As for the whole knowing what career you want, I'm 37 in October and I still don't know. But that said, I'm in a job that right now, I enjoy, pays me well and does what I need it to. So you don't HAVE to know to be happy.
And trust me, from 20... it just keeps getting better and better and easier and easier!
Hugs!
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