They already have their designated friends, and for a lot of people I know, they found all of those friends in high school - which brings me to my least favourite occurrence in the social world - the high school mentality.
I went to high school until half way through grade 9, then I left to do homeschooling and eventually got a full-time job. I got to experience life with adults, instead of cocooning myself in this world where adults and authority are the enemy, the other kids are cliquey and you and your friends are gonna be BFFs4LIFE. I'm pretty sure some people never leave high school in their minds. You think that these people who you were forced to be around 5 days a week, are the best people you'll ever meet, cause look at all the time you've spent together!
But I just think...how are you ever going to grow as a person unless you go out into the world and find new people? You don't even have to be friends with the new people, you just have to meet, talk to them, try to understand them, take away a part of them, remember them, sort through until you find ones that you really like, that challenge you and make you feel good about yourself. Truly, you know absolutely nothing about yourself when you're 17. I still know nothing about myself. But pushing people away isn't a good way to learn it.
I think the whole high school thing contributes to what I see as a lot of guys having trouble growing up. My coworker is always going on about how his wife is making him grow up, cause she's HAVING A BABY, and she WANTED TO GET MARRIED. I don't know what altered reality he's living in though, because I don't really know of many 12 year olds with a mortgage, a pregnant wife and a full time job. So get over it. You're a grown up. Act like one.
The worst part of guys acting like this is that it puts the entire burden of being "the responsible one" on their partner. Of course "being responsible" is usually translated by guys like this as "nagging". How is that fair?
This was most brilliantly illustrated recently in the movie Juno. The couple adopting Juno's baby eventually break up, because the guy falls in love with Juno, and decides to break up with his wife, and comes onto Juno. I'm pretty sure in most mainstream movies, everything would work out fine for the guy. But in this one, Juno rejects him and his wife tells him she can't wait around for him to become a rock star, because if she does that, she'll be waiting forever. It's a great moment, and really makes you realise how the onus was on her the entire time to be the responsible one - she never forced him into a family. He just never said no, and blamed her for pushing him the entire time.
So...that's the title of this post. And that's probably my favourite quote ever. Yeah, it's kinda depressing for those of us who do want to be a rock star. But of course you can be a rock star if you're willing to work at it. But you're not working at it when you're sitting on the couch with no pants on all day watching TV and complaining.
So grow up. You're never going to be a rock star.
I went to high school until half way through grade 9, then I left to do homeschooling and eventually got a full-time job. I got to experience life with adults, instead of cocooning myself in this world where adults and authority are the enemy, the other kids are cliquey and you and your friends are gonna be BFFs4LIFE. I'm pretty sure some people never leave high school in their minds. You think that these people who you were forced to be around 5 days a week, are the best people you'll ever meet, cause look at all the time you've spent together!
But I just think...how are you ever going to grow as a person unless you go out into the world and find new people? You don't even have to be friends with the new people, you just have to meet, talk to them, try to understand them, take away a part of them, remember them, sort through until you find ones that you really like, that challenge you and make you feel good about yourself. Truly, you know absolutely nothing about yourself when you're 17. I still know nothing about myself. But pushing people away isn't a good way to learn it.
I think the whole high school thing contributes to what I see as a lot of guys having trouble growing up. My coworker is always going on about how his wife is making him grow up, cause she's HAVING A BABY, and she WANTED TO GET MARRIED. I don't know what altered reality he's living in though, because I don't really know of many 12 year olds with a mortgage, a pregnant wife and a full time job. So get over it. You're a grown up. Act like one.
The worst part of guys acting like this is that it puts the entire burden of being "the responsible one" on their partner. Of course "being responsible" is usually translated by guys like this as "nagging". How is that fair?
This was most brilliantly illustrated recently in the movie Juno. The couple adopting Juno's baby eventually break up, because the guy falls in love with Juno, and decides to break up with his wife, and comes onto Juno. I'm pretty sure in most mainstream movies, everything would work out fine for the guy. But in this one, Juno rejects him and his wife tells him she can't wait around for him to become a rock star, because if she does that, she'll be waiting forever. It's a great moment, and really makes you realise how the onus was on her the entire time to be the responsible one - she never forced him into a family. He just never said no, and blamed her for pushing him the entire time.
So...that's the title of this post. And that's probably my favourite quote ever. Yeah, it's kinda depressing for those of us who do want to be a rock star. But of course you can be a rock star if you're willing to work at it. But you're not working at it when you're sitting on the couch with no pants on all day watching TV and complaining.
So grow up. You're never going to be a rock star.
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5 comments:
But I *AM* a rock star!
Hey I didn't know where to put this, but I picked up a theme on your older blog and thought you'd enjoy this song if you don't know it already. From one kind stranger to another:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z6D4FwgGwRE
Be well!
Brady I've said it before and I'll say it again - only in a perfect world would all boys be like you.
Thanks for the link dola! I dig it :)
Sorry it took me awhile to add my comments on this topic. I have a theory about why a lot of men seem to be like this these days. I don't think they used to be and I believe it may be to do with women's liberation. Before women decided that they could have it all, boys were brought up knowing that when they reached manhood they were expected to get a job, marry, have children and be totally responsible for providing for his family for the rest of his life. This expectation is now gone and I believe that boys have no idea what their place in this world is now. Women have forged ahead and boys/men are left floundering in our wake, wondering what they're supposed to do now. I have a lot more to say on this subject but I'll leave it to you to explore this further if you're interested :)
Before women's lib, and still currently, women were brought up to believe that all they have to aspire to be is a wife and mother - now we have forged ahead as you say, and we can hope to have a career and a life of our own. Not condemning motherhood - the fact is that we now have the choice to have all of those things, and we can have them all successfully.
Before women's lib as you say men were the breadwinners - that's it. To me it seems the breadwinner has a very low level of involvement within a family - they're just there to provide.
I think you're right that boys don't know what their 'place' is anymore, and so are perhaps reluctant to 'grow up' because growing up involves well...making decisions that will affect your life. And I sometimes sense a kind of resentment from guys because of that. Like when you meet a guy who HAS made decisions to 'forge' on with his life...it sort of seems like he's doing it as revenge. I wonder if that makes sense? I guess I'm just unlucky with meeting a lot of guys who seem to have some strange resentment of women. I'll chuck in a quote here from a great book I'm reading called backlash. The chapter talks about how most studies like to focus on the 'feminine problem' and talk about how women are fragile and finicky, when really if you think about it there is a 'masculine problem'. Here's the quote:
"Maleness...is not absolutely defined; it has to be kept and re-earned every day, and one essential element in the definition is beating women in every game both sexes play."
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