STFU

Of course I apologise! No, of COURSE it is MY fault that everything in your life is so terrible, of course it is my doing that you hate your job and you can't get a girlfriend. Of COURSE I will take responsibility for other people treating you like shit and for when your housemates piss you off. No, it was obvious how I was directly involved in all of the events that made you upset and you should definitely take it all out on me because I just deserve it for being such a terrible person. Only a terrible person would listen to you every single time you want to cry about how terrible your life is - which is every time you open your mouth. Only a terrible person would invite you to do things with them and endure not only being turned down but berated for wanting to do such a ridiculous, stupid thing. Only a terrible person would always stick by you just watching you do NOTHING and continue to complain about it. I guess I'm a fucking terrible person.

Thursday Confession

Thursday Confession
In which I try to reveal one of my obsessions, secrets, stupid kinks about myself that I wouldn't otherwise talk about in normal conversation.

I have an intense obsession with Medusa.
In Greek mythology, Medusa was one of the three Gorgon sisters - the other two being Stheno and Euryale. They are described thus:
Near them their sisters three, the Gorgons, winged
With snakes for hair— hated of mortal man—

In Ovid's Metamorphoses is it said that originally Medusa was beautiful and lived as a priestess in the goddess Athena's temple, but became filled with rage and hatred for men after she was raped by Poseidon in the temple. Athena effects a punishment upon Medusa, transforming her hair to snakes and disfiguring her face with blind fury so that any man who looks upon it will be turned to stone. It's good to see victim-blaming was alive and well back in BC.
The gorgons are conversely described as either being of monstrous form, or as beautiful as they are terrifying. I prefer the latter description.

In the tale, Perseus is sent by the his future father-in-law King Polydectes to retrieve Medusa's head as a gift. He travels to the island where the Gorgons live, and is aided by Athena and Hermes, who each give him magical swords, shields and the like as Gods tend to do. Perseus eventually decaptitates Medusa by looking at her reflection in his shield as he cuts off her head. He puts it in a sack and takes it back to the King. The sight of Medusa's terrible severed head turns the King to stone, Perseus' mother is saved, all is right with the world, some people go off and marry their mother, Zeus rapes a few more women, some guy travels to the ends of the earth for no reason, more women are condemned to Hades, the world keeps spinning and the heavens are still held on the shoulders of Atlas.
Athena is given the head of Medusa and attaches it to her shield, the Aegis, and by this time I think it's safe to say Athena is a stone cold bitch. But that's a post for another time.

While there are a lot of things to despise about this tale - punishing a victim for her rape, having her killed - the idea of Medusa is so alluring and so powerful that I can't help but love it. Even if she is murdered in the end, her power never dies. She is the personification of female power and raw fury. So gaze upon her.

Stay tuned for posts on Athena and Persephone!
Please leave a comment if you wish me to explore any other awesome woman figures in mythology - Greek, Roman, Celtic, Norse, I love them all.

Double Clicking the Mouse

One of the people I follow on twitter, msnaughty, posted this awesome video of euphemisms for female masturbation sometime last week I think it was and I wanted to share it and some linkage to other sexy stuff on teh intarwebs. The thing I love most about this video is the totally smug music. It's not pretending to be something it ain't. Hehe...Taint.
Can you guess them all?



I'm going to follow this up by talking about how much I dearly, dearly love and am crushing on the beautiful Violet Blue, who is an author, blogger, sex educator, reporter, columnist, artist and my biggest crush. You should visit her site full o' porn, interesting blog posts, her podcasts and videos and links to multiple places on the web where she is present. And she really is a gift. I look forward to the day I have enough money to buy some of her books - I listened to one of her podcasts on the peak-hour train the other morning where she narrated some Peter Pan themed erotic fiction. It was awesome, and I sat there wondering if I'm the only person who would listen to erotica in peak-hour on the train. I think I probably am.

Here's a sweet listicle from io9.com of 10 authors who put sex in their sci-fi, because I'm sure you all love to read about aliens getting it on as much as I do.

Here's the hottest thing I've ever seen, a Fight Club themed set on Suicide Girls which has a permanent place in my bookmarks list, and my heart. I don't know about anyone else, but I went through a pretty intense Fight Club obsession a few years ago, and I kind of ruined both the movie and book for myself because I read it too often, and spent two weeks watching the movie twice every night. Sometimes in slow-mo.

If you're living in Brisbane and interested in burlesque, head to Scoundrelles in the Valley. A couple of my twitter friends take classes there and hearing all the talk of it makes my heart weep because I seriously cannot afford it. This also stays on my bookmark list for later on in the year, when my all my wishful thinking magically turns into more money!

One for the girls that I found the other day which RULES - you know we all put stuff in our bras, like coinage, bus tickets, paper money, cards, keys, vodka bottles, trinkets, shoplifted goods, bottles of sauce, tissues, deoderant cans and small mammals? Well now you can by a Rack Trap and it fits in your bra real easy so you don't have to go digging deep in front of complete strangers when you lose your $2 coin!

One last link - I was going to do an entire post about my large collection of vibrators, but I figured that might make everyone a little uncomfortable, and normally I'm totally into making people uncomfortable, but I also thought it might make people a little jealous. So instead I'm just going to show you the vibrator that I want more than anything in this world, and maybe, just *maybe* some kind sugar daddy will buy it for me, no strings attached.
BEHOLD, the SaSi!
Watch Zara from ShinyShiny.tv do a review of the most amazing and intelligent vibrator ever created.



So if I end this post by saying - love yourselves and each other - you know what I mean right?

Link Comes to Town Monday

I haven't blogged for a bit because I've been a mixture of all the bad feelings you can have, including but not limited to - pissed off, let down, angry, full of rage, anxious, nervous, worried, fearing for my life, depressed, not wanting to wake up, frazzled, stressed out and did I mention full of rage? That's the feeling I have most. I see red, I see red, I see red.
If anyone has any tips on how to manage anger, other than fucking "count to ten", advice would really be appreciated, because the crescent-shaped scabs on my palms from where my fingernails cut in when I clench my fists are getting really itchy, and my jaw just won't unclench.
ANYWAY! In other news, I just cut my hair, I have a face mask on, I did a whole lot of fucking around today for no reason at all, I was supposed to get my tattoo finished but it's not healed enough yet, I am reading this book about parents who killed their baby girl and it gave me nightmares, I don't think I will have enough money to buy any food this week, and I really hope things are gonna turn out alright but if they don't I can always sell my organs for profit.

Now onto the links!
Earlier last week I made some tweets about what to do in the event that Brisbane's torrential rain and flooding would be the beginning of the zombie apocalypse, and they seemed to be a hit, so if you would like to further create your plans for the end of days, I suggest you check out the Zombie Survival & Defense Wiki and you might live longer than most.

I've been listening to podcasts on the train to & from work lately because it blocks out the sound of all those people just talking and talking and one I particularly like is the New Yorker Fiction Podcast - where authors read out other author's short stories, and it's soothing and there are some EXCELLENT stories, like Shirley Jackson's The Lottery.

Because all I've been doing lately is playing Left 4 Dead (no really, it's ALL I've been doing) and talking about zombies, I'm sure you guys would appreciate as much as me this awesome post on i09.com from last year about Zombie Feminism. As if you even need any more convincing to read it than the title. ZOMBIE FEMINISM.

Speaking of Left 4 Dead, I hate vans.

One for the poorer among us, CookingByNumbers.com is a site where you put a tick in the boxes next to everything you have in your cupboard and it gives you a recipe.

Aaand Cooking Conversions, for when you get recipes given to you with annoying imperial measurements.

I went to a mini twitter meetup on Sunday afternoon at the Fox Hotel for $2 steaks and here's a little flickr photoset to show you just how annoying I can be with a camera.

OMGBREAKINGNEWS I'm talking to my brother on MSN right now and he just sent me this link and HOLYSHIT: Beard.

I will try to write more. I've been trying to do other things more, like read and draw and play video games, so it takes my mind away from my blog. So keep reading, and sending your love down that well.

Women can be misogynists too

After all the discussion of (yes I am bring it up once again) the crazy footballer sex/rape/whatevershutup saga, the one thing people keep talking about are the ugly attitudes emerging from people in regards to women...rape...sluts. And the one thing that keeps being said is "I can't believe these attitudes are coming from so many other women".
At first I was a little shocked too, possibly because I only ever discuss these topics in my online bubble of the feminist blogosphere so I guess I'm not used to being faced with "dissenting opinion" that is so incredibly WRONG. But the thing that you forget when you only ever talk to people who agree with your views is that women can be misogynists just as much or more than men.

Here's a quote from a Feminism 101 post at Shakesville that explains why women can be misogynists (do I really have to urge you to read the whole post?):
"Men and women are misogynist for different reasons: men to marginalize women, and women to ingratiate themselves with the men trying to marginalize them. Neither one is justifiable, but one is oppressive and the other is a (bad) strategy to deal with that oppression."

I agree completely with this sentiment and I can say that looking back on my younger self I can say for sure that I was a misogynist. I was told all my life that Real Girls (TM) only like pink, at school they play netball and they're not allowed to wear the same uniform as boys, and at lunch time they have to all sit around talking while the boys get to play. I internalised that I wasn't a Real Girl (TM) because I didn't like Britney Spears, and I liked my hair short and I kicked ass at soccer and because I would ride my bike with the boys. As I got older I realised that now instead of being indifferent to me, all the other girls had started to hate me for some unknown reason. I got enough teasing to last me a lifetime from boys, but mostly from girls, so I spent most of my school years avoiding girls, hating them because they all got to be perfect Real Girls while I was some kind of in-between, there was no way that I could possibly be a Real Girl, how could I be without compromising and giving up everything I liked?
But that's bullshit. There is obviously no definition for a Real Girl, no matter what society tells us - we are all Real Girls, let's just say by virtue of being a living breathing entity who was born/is transitioning to a woman. When I learnt this, I felt like a completely different person. I stopped defensively hating all those girls who I didn't even know, and the more I made friends with other girls I realised that none of them were those perfect pink Real Girls - they were all just like me, and often just as confused. We can't sabotage each other to earn the approval of the patriarchy - whether we will admit that is the reason we are doing it or not.
Again from the Shakesville post:
"Men not being sexist shouldn't be contingent upon women not being misogynist. They should stop being misogynist just because it's the right thing to do... One thus sees that if the men who are misogynists weren't, the women who are misogynists wouldn't have any reason to be. Ergo, exhorting women to stop being misogynists so that men will stop gets it precisely backwards."

So the word I saw most used by misogynist women in regards to the footballer bullshit was the word Slut, and to be honest I've seen it used enough times in the past week to never want to hear or see it again. The word slut is a derogatory, insulting word used to offend promiscuous women - it's original uses also had connotations of a slut being a lowly, dirty person. This has not changed. Please don't try to tell me that calling a man a slut is the same thing, because it's really not, and if you want to argue that, go somewhere else.
It is women who are demonised for being promiscuous. Promiscuous, by the way, means having sexual relations with a number of partners on a casual basis, or being indiscriminate. Promiscuity is subjective - what may seem to you like an 'unreasonable' number of people to sleep with (let's say, two) is small fries for someone else, your taboo is someone else's fetish. Not to mention that women's sexuality is regarded as non-existent, or "receiving" of men's sexuality - and any woman daring to own or promote her sexuality is publicly dragged over the coals. Since promiscuity is subjective, there is no accurate scale for what is "too much" and there is no way you can ever call someone a slut and hide behind the excuse that she slept with "too many people". What you've just done is compared someone else's sexuality to your own and judged it to be immoral and inferior. Since when did a stranger's sexual life have any bearing on your own though?
This whole bullshit-explosion lately has made me think about these two issues and I really hope anyone reading this takes a moment to think about all the times they have hated a woman or used the word slut (or bitch, or cunt for the matter) and perhaps think twice next time you find yourself saying/feeling it, and try to examine why you're doing it.
It's hard enough to get by in the world just doing your own thing, and it's even harder when people are judging you unfairly for it.

Mid Morning Slacking

Holy crap the guy who lives next door to our office has the most beautiful afro I have ever seen. It's all surfer-blonde and gigantic and I think he pins back the front of it. This morning he came outside to say hi to me when he'd just woken up and it was this gigantic mess of curls and I didn't think it was possible to be in love with someone's HAIR, but well...I'm a believer.
He's a strange guy - when he talks to you, even if he's being nice, there's always an air of condescension to every sentence, even if he's just telling you to have a nice day. You can almost hear the silent "you asshole" at the end of that greeting.

I am having a super money freak-out this morning because I got so many bills and things to pay for and it's stressing me the fuck out. I do not earn enough money to cover all the things that need to be covered. I'm grabbing at straws here.
In case anyone is interested, ebay has zero insertion fees for auctions starting at 99 cents until May 30. I like to wait until they have specials like this, then sell off all my old coats, shoes, bags that don't fit or I don't use. I prefer it to giving them to lifeline, because you can usually make a few bucks off these things instead of nothing.
If you've never sold on ebay before, it's incredibly easy, don't be afraid. And if you want to sell stuff but you're still afraid, I'm willing to do it for you for commission. Yes I am that in need of money.

Tomorrow morning I have a biopsy scheduled for the lump in my boob (read this if you don't know what I'm talking about). Luckily it is bulk-billed, but it's probably going to be useless anyway, because regardless of what the outcome is I'm going to request it be surgically removed cause it is pissing me off. Hopefully that can be bulk-billed too but somehow I doubt that.

Yesterday I went on a podcast downloading spree and this morning on the train I listened to Bitch Magazine's podcast which was delightful. It consisted of people reading out letters, articles and reviews from the magazine, so it covered a few different topics and the presenters had soothing voices. They only have three podcasts so far and I'll definitely be looking forward to their new ones. If you're interested in a feminist look at pop culture, check it out. They are also on twitter.

I have a bit of a meatier post in mind to write tonight, but for now I have to get back to work. Please check back later because I have a few words to say about a topic that's been niggling at me for a while.
Be kind to yourselves...and each other ;)

Monday Links

I had my hours cut at work a few weeks ago and I'm back to 30 p/week. I get Mondays off, so I no longer dread waking up on Mondays. Cause I don't usually wake up until it's half way over!
In light of my great fortune (or misfortune, if you wanna look at it in the way that I lost half my job) I've decided each Monday to share with you some of the awesome links I've found in recent days. So check it.

Probably my favourite and the most well-written post I've read regarding the ongoing NRL saga everyone's talking about, written by monkeytypist: "You can't expect men to..."

An old post at Hoyden about Town titled "Nice Guys (TM) redux and what makes an ideal husband and father" about how the minimum standards of being a civilised human somehow equals an ideal husband and father.

Derailing for Dummies: Making discrimination easier! 'A simple step-by-step guide for derailing conversations by dismissing and trivialising your opposition's perspective and experience. Just some of the many issues you can apply it to: sexism, whorephobia, racism, transphobia, classism, homophobia, ableism, kinkphobia, fatphobia. Guaranteed, you can use it to marginalise anyone!'

This Aussie short indie zombie film from Sundance 2008 that I am in LOVE with and have watched about ten times now. It is called I Love Sarah Jane and it's about ten minutes long and so worth your time. It's actually really heartbreaking and cute.

Definatalie on twitter reminded me how much I love hula hooping and also saddened me because I can't at the moment while my tattoo is healing (it's on my hip). If you're interested in hooping, have a look at these sites...
Instructions for making your own hoop
Online store for hoops and hoop tape
Bunny Hoopstar's site, she's one of the most famous hoopers in Australia - also where I bought my awesome, high quality hoop that's lasted me for years.



Anyone who owns pet rats or is considering getting an awesome pet ratty, head on over to The Dapper Rat, who have the best information and pics on the whole wide intarwebs. Everything from how to set up a cage, ideas for food, health issues for rats, ideas for making your own rat-toys and how to keep your ratties happy.

With all the awesomeness of the new Star Trek movie (which fucking ruled, AMIRITE) I believe y'all should get your drink on with this awesome Star Trek Drinking game which I plan to test out the next time I can actually afford some booze. Highly logical.

This set on flickr from user sajbrfem where she's made a batch of FEMINIST COOKIES that you can give out to those who really deserve it. Oh you think women are people? Have a cookie! You aren't a rapist? Have a cookie! You have female friends? Have a cookie!

And last but not least, I've been listening to Dresden Dolls all day, and someone reminded me yesterday how much I used to be obsessed with Rocky Horror. To the point where all I wanted to do when I grew up was play Magenta/Columbia in a stage show. Still have to work on that. Anyway, to satiate my needs, I've been listening to this non stop: Amanda Palmer playing Science Fiction Double Feature.

Enjoy my lovelies.

Boobs

Hi guys! In this post, I will let the entire internet know about my intimate medical history! WOOH!

I have an extremely large lump in my left breast, about 3 centimetres in diameter. I have small boobs, so it's really not hard to find, it's pretty much THERE. Sometimes, especially around my period, it starts to hurt a lot, or when I wear push-up bras too many days in a row. Lately it's been giving me some pretty extreme pain - I can't sleep on my left side anymore and if I get hugged too hard, I wince.
I got it checked out about 3 years ago - I had an ultrasound and also a biopsy, which involved a doctor shooting a giant needle gun into my boob, while I got to watch on the ultrasound screen.
It turns out what I have is called a Fibroadenoma - or what my doctor called a "breast mouse", because sometimes they can move around in your boob. Wiki says fibroadenoma is a benign, painless, firm, solitary, mobile, slowly growing tumor found in the breast of women of child-bearing age. If they are small and not causing discomfort, doctors will mostly recommend leaving it where it is and as mine put it all those years ago "forgetting about it". I was only told that if it changes or gets bigger, get it checked out again. So this morning I had another ultrasound and next week I will be having another biopsy. I am most likely going to request that it be surgically removed because it really is too big for me to be comfortable with, and causing me pain. Unfortunately since my boobs are so small already, this will probably mean I'll be totally lopsided from now on. But I'm cool with that because then I'll kind of be like an Amazon.

The point of this post was that I want to raise awareness for breast health, I want you to know that if you feel something in your breast, you need to get it checked, I want you to CHECK your breasts and continue to check them. For some reason whenever I bring this up, people act strangely as if it is something to be ashamed of. Perhaps it's not the best topic for polite conversation but there is absolutely nothing to be ashamed concerning your boobs.
I was wondering all through today why it is that I have never heard of fibroadenoma before. One point is that because it is benign, and actually nothing to worry about, medical practitioners probably don't want women self-diagnosing. Because you could definitely be wrong, and putting your life at risk. But I'd also just like to raise awareness for the humble fibroadenoma because if I had known it existed, I wouldn't have spent all those nights crying waiting for my test results and just KNOWING that I had breast cancer. Because that's all you ever hear about - you've got a lump, it's cancer.

I'd also like to give what I believe the kids are calling "mad props" to all the women in the world who have elected to have double mastectomies. Although I'm not really of the mindset, I think a lot of women believe that breasts are intrinsic to your "womanhood", if you don't have breasts, you aren't a woman. And although I don't believe that at all, I know it would be incredibly hard to come to terms with no longer having breasts. I read recently about a woman who pre-emptively had a double mastectomy even though she was cancer-free because the rate of breast cancer in her family was so high it was pretty much certain for her. And in case anyone didn't know, the beautiful, awesome Christina Applegate recently had to undergo a double mastectomy to treat her cancer. I imagine these women are all the stronger for it.

Which brings me back to Amazon women and how in my mind, I like to equate breast cancer survivors to the awesome Amazons. In Greek mythology, the Amazons were an all-female nation of warrior women, a-mazos being Classical Greek for "without breast", as the warriors would have their right breast burnt or cut out to improve the aim of their bow or spear without getting a pesky boob in the way. They were fearless and strong - and that's what breast cancer survivors are.

I'd like to just end by sharing a few links to various breast cancer foundations and insitutes, which all need donations for research. Check out the pages, because they all have great information about where to go for breast screening, how to check your own breasts, information about risk factors, support for those with cancer, you name it, if you have boobs, you'll need to know it. And while I'm at it - when was the last time YOU had a pap smear?

Breast Cancer Australia - promotes awareness, does fundraising and offers patient accommodation.

Breast Cancer Network Australia - nationwide network of support for breast cancer patients, with all the information you could possibly ask for, also provides "My Journey Kits" for those newly diagnosed. Very comprehensive.

National Breast Cancer Foundation - the one you've probably seen the most of, with the pink ribbons and Sarah Murdoch as patron. Fantastic site, mostly built around fundraising - you can buy Pink products, donate, volunteer, bequest to the foundation in your will and also a brilliant idea - In Memoriam donations - where you request that instead of flowers at a funeral, the guests make a donation in memoriam.

Breast Cancer Insitute of Australia - You've probably donated before to this institute if you've ever bought any breast cancer merchandise from Avon. They're very well set up for fundraising and helping you hold your own fundraiser.

Breasthealth - I spent about half an hour getting sidetracked on this site while I was trying to write this blog. It's got great, comprehensive information and it's about "breast problems", not just cancer, so it covers fibroadenomas as well.

THIS is an Amazon warrior.

Thanks

I'd just like to extend a huge thank you to everyone who's been staying in touch with my blog - I'm really grateful you're all still here and urging me to keep writing.

I haven't been writing as often as I'd like - or at all for a week or so there - because I've been having a fucking hard time lately and my self-esteem is pretty much sapped. I wasn't really in any place in my head to write, let alone think or have any confidence in my opinions.

So please bear with me while I try to get back on the horse and figure out what I want to say.

Thank you all so much, and if you want, I'm always available for hugs.

In the meantime, here's a kitty.

Inspired by the furore of Matthew Johns

Situations that are Definitely Rape:

In case you have a hard time figuring it out, these are some situations that are Definitely Rape/Sexual Assault!

- Consenting to have sex with two footballers, and upon entering the bedroom, being forced to have sex with another eight.
- Consenting to perform oral sex on your partner, and then being forced to have intercourse even though you said no.
- When you tell your husband you do not want to have sex and he makes you do it anyway.
- Meeting a guy in a bar, kissing him, going back to his place and telling him that you do not want to have sex tonight, then he forces himself on you.
- Beginning to have consensual sex with your partner, realising you are not in the mood, or you are being hurt, telling your partner to stop, and they continue anyway.
- Getting so drunk at a party that some guy helps you back to a room to lie down, then has sex with you while you are too drunk to move or talk.

- Having sex with one guy, then having sex with his friend, not wanting to have sex with his third friend, but he forces himself on you anyway.

The common theme in all of these situations is that somebody GOT RAPED. Rape is not rough sex. Rape is about control. It is showing another person that you do not view or value them as a person. Sex is the means by which to control. Rape is not about sex.

'Sluts' are not free game because they had sex with numerous people consensually before. When someone says they do not want to have sex with you, at the point in time that you are requesting sex, you are not allowed to have sex with them. Victims of rape DO NOT have a responsibility to NOT GET RAPED. RAPISTS have a responsibility NOT to rape. It is the rapist's fault that he raped someone. Rape is not a mistake.

If you are genuinely worried that your sexual encounter with a woman could be misconstrued as rape I urge you to take a few moments to check a few things.
- Are you sober? Is she sober? Is she drunk? Is she drunker than you? Is she so drunk that you doubt her ability to answer a simple math problem such as "What does 1 + 1 equal"?
- So you're both sober huh? Have you both let each other know that you like each other, and in so many words, respect each other as individuals?
- Have you discussed having sex before? Did she expressly say that she was or was not interested?

- Oh, so you think you're about to have sex huh? Is she making noises and letting you know in no uncertain terms that yes, oh yes, oh dear me, I really would enjoy having sex with you! At this moment in time, I am consenting and asking your consent in return!....in so many words?

Basically, if you aren't getting Enthusiastic Consent, back the fuck off. And if you are truly afraid or unsure of how your sexual advances will be taken by a woman, perhaps you should try getting to know her and earning her trust before you think it's okay by any stretch of imagination to just have sex with her anyway.

Grow Up. You're Never Going To Be A Rock Star

I've written before about the theory that humans can only maintain friendships with up to 50 people, and I've felt like this all my life. Some people will let me get close, but ultimately, they never think of me the same way I think of them - they'll never truly let me into their life.

They already have their designated friends, and for a lot of people I know, they found all of those friends in high school - which brings me to my least favourite occurrence in the social world - the high school mentality.
I went to high school until half way through grade 9, then I left to do homeschooling and eventually got a full-time job. I got to experience life with adults, instead of cocooning myself in this world where adults and authority are the enemy, the other kids are cliquey and you and your friends are gonna be BFFs4LIFE. I'm pretty sure some people never leave high school in their minds. You think that these people who you were forced to be around 5 days a week, are the best people you'll ever meet, cause look at all the time you've spent together!
But I just think...how are you ever going to grow as a person unless you go out into the world and find new people? You don't even have to be friends with the new people, you just have to meet, talk to them, try to understand them, take away a part of them, remember them, sort through until you find ones that you really like, that challenge you and make you feel good about yourself. Truly, you know absolutely nothing about yourself when you're 17. I still know nothing about myself. But pushing people away isn't a good way to learn it.

I think the whole high school thing contributes to what I see as a lot of guys having trouble growing up. My coworker is always going on about how his wife is making him grow up, cause she's HAVING A BABY, and she WANTED TO GET MARRIED. I don't know what altered reality he's living in though, because I don't really know of many 12 year olds with a mortgage, a pregnant wife and a full time job. So get over it. You're a grown up. Act like one.
The worst part of guys acting like this is that it puts the entire burden of being "the responsible one" on their partner. Of course "being responsible" is usually translated by guys like this as "nagging". How is that fair?
This was most brilliantly illustrated recently in the movie Juno. The couple adopting Juno's baby eventually break up, because the guy falls in love with Juno, and decides to break up with his wife, and comes onto Juno. I'm pretty sure in most mainstream movies, everything would work out fine for the guy. But in this one, Juno rejects him and his wife tells him she can't wait around for him to become a rock star, because if she does that, she'll be waiting forever. It's a great moment, and really makes you realise how the onus was on her the entire time to be the responsible one - she never forced him into a family. He just never said no, and blamed her for pushing him the entire time.

So...that's the title of this post. And that's probably my favourite quote ever. Yeah, it's kinda depressing for those of us who do want to be a rock star. But of course you can be a rock star if you're willing to work at it. But you're not working at it when you're sitting on the couch with no pants on all day watching TV and complaining.
So grow up. You're never going to be a rock star.

This is what 20 looks like

I have now been alive for two decades.

I have learned that no matter how many people care for me, and how many people will help me out, I am always and will always be essentially alone. I am the only one who can make me change.

I am an emotional person. I am loyal, I care deeply, but I am stubborn. These things are who I am. Some people might say that being emotional is a drawback, that I shouldn't take things so seriously, but I refuse to be told that caring about things is a vice. I am a functioning human being, and I feel things, and I will never suppress my emotions.

I am alone. I don't really know where my life is heading, and I don't think about it often. I'm not sure what career I want, and to be honest, I feel apathetic about it. I'll figure out what I want to do, but I hate being pushed into things, and I hate that some people will push me and tell me to do things "before it's too late". There is no such thing as Too Late. I don't worry about getting the car, the house, the husband. I don't want that life at all. I see no shame in renting. I see no shame in just living day to day and seeking out the little things to make me happy. I see no rush to get married and whip up some children. My one goal to achieve in my life is to adopt children - to give some kids a home to feel comfortable in, and to know that someone does care about them.
But there will never be a Too Late for that.

There are a lot of things I wish I had done by now, but I still have a long time left to do them.

Sister Blister

Welcome to my new blog, you may have migrated over here from Zombietronics in which case, you are awesome, thanks for continuing to read what I have to say. I really do appreciate it.
If you're new, I hope you enjoy my future posts.
I stopped writing Zombietronics because I said a few things that offended some people in my life, and I don't want to apologise for things anymore. A lot of my readers were casual readers, and friends or family who were probably just reading because I'd asked them to. I felt that I was censoring myself a lot and basically I don't want to have to do that anymore. I think that I should be able to say what I want, and yes, maybe I should have continued to do it over there, but basically, I just wanted to start fresh. Because I like doing that. Zombietronics was my first attempt at blogging, and I'm keen to improve my writing style and content.

As for introductions - my name is Tash, I live in Brisbane, Australia, my birthday is actually next week and I will be officially no longer a teenager then, I work in an administration position for my parent's IT company, I am trying to study an IT course but I'm completely unmotivated at present, when I am not at work I'm most likely reading, I ENJOY spending the majority of my time in solitude and I find absolutely nothing wrong with that. I watch and obsess over films, I value my family more than anything else, I don't drive, I love to sing, when I get nervous I wring my hands and bite the inside of my mouth, I read the news a lot and it makes me depressed, but then I just play with my pet rat Reagan and everything is better. My favourite colours are green and purple, especially together, I have a 'cool sock' collection, I'm probably the only person in the world who really doesn't like swimming or the beach, I can't sleep unless there's a light on somewhere, when I grow up I want to be happy, I like rock n roll and I am a feminist.

The title of this blog - Sister Blister - is the title of an Alanis Morissette song that really means a lot to me. I've posted the lyrics below. The song describes how women compete with each other for the approval of men - even after all we've gained and acheived, we still fight to win in a patriarchy that will never let us truly win - it is all we know, and as long as we continue to live in such a world, it will always continue to happen. The message is that we need to stop sabotaging each other, the only way we'll ever have a chance to create gender equality is to work together. I love this message, because I will admit I have perpetrated this myself, and also been on the receiving end. We don't need to fight each other. There's already an entire world out there already keeping us back.

In this blog I will continue to talk about feminism and sexism, so if you're not interested or you "get sick of hearing about it", you should leave.
I will also wax lyrical about my life, the things that happen in it, the things that don't, the things I want, the things I need, things I've heard, things I've seen, and also about how awesome zombies and octopi are. If you'd specifically like me to address anything, leave a comment or write me an email, cause sometimes I get brain-dead for ideas and suggestions always help kick me into gear.

you and me we're cut from the same cloth
it seems to some we famously get along
but you and me are strangers to each other
cuz you and me:competitive to the bone

such tragedy to trample on each other with how much we've endured
with the state this land is in

you and me feel joined by only gender
we are not all for one and one for all

sister blister we fight to please the brothers
we think their acceptance is how we win
they're happy we're climbing over each other
to beg the club of boys to let us in

you and me estranged from the mother
you and me have felt impotent in our skin
you and me have taken it out on each other
you and me disloyal to the feminine

such a pity to disavow each other with how far we've come
with how strong we've been

you and me are on this pendulum together
you and me with scarcity still fueling

sister blister we fight to please the brothers
we think their acceptance is how we win
they're happy we're climbing over each other
to beg the club of boys to let us in

we may not have priorities same
we may not even like each other
we may not be hugely anti-men
but such a cost to dishonor a sister

you and me have made it harder for the other
we forget how hard separatism has been
you and me we can help change their minds together
you and me in alignment until the end

sister blister we fight to please the brothers
we think their acceptance is how we win
they're happy we're climbing over each other
to beg the club of boys to let us in