Women can be misogynists too

After all the discussion of (yes I am bring it up once again) the crazy footballer sex/rape/whatevershutup saga, the one thing people keep talking about are the ugly attitudes emerging from people in regards to women...rape...sluts. And the one thing that keeps being said is "I can't believe these attitudes are coming from so many other women".
At first I was a little shocked too, possibly because I only ever discuss these topics in my online bubble of the feminist blogosphere so I guess I'm not used to being faced with "dissenting opinion" that is so incredibly WRONG. But the thing that you forget when you only ever talk to people who agree with your views is that women can be misogynists just as much or more than men.

Here's a quote from a Feminism 101 post at Shakesville that explains why women can be misogynists (do I really have to urge you to read the whole post?):
"Men and women are misogynist for different reasons: men to marginalize women, and women to ingratiate themselves with the men trying to marginalize them. Neither one is justifiable, but one is oppressive and the other is a (bad) strategy to deal with that oppression."

I agree completely with this sentiment and I can say that looking back on my younger self I can say for sure that I was a misogynist. I was told all my life that Real Girls (TM) only like pink, at school they play netball and they're not allowed to wear the same uniform as boys, and at lunch time they have to all sit around talking while the boys get to play. I internalised that I wasn't a Real Girl (TM) because I didn't like Britney Spears, and I liked my hair short and I kicked ass at soccer and because I would ride my bike with the boys. As I got older I realised that now instead of being indifferent to me, all the other girls had started to hate me for some unknown reason. I got enough teasing to last me a lifetime from boys, but mostly from girls, so I spent most of my school years avoiding girls, hating them because they all got to be perfect Real Girls while I was some kind of in-between, there was no way that I could possibly be a Real Girl, how could I be without compromising and giving up everything I liked?
But that's bullshit. There is obviously no definition for a Real Girl, no matter what society tells us - we are all Real Girls, let's just say by virtue of being a living breathing entity who was born/is transitioning to a woman. When I learnt this, I felt like a completely different person. I stopped defensively hating all those girls who I didn't even know, and the more I made friends with other girls I realised that none of them were those perfect pink Real Girls - they were all just like me, and often just as confused. We can't sabotage each other to earn the approval of the patriarchy - whether we will admit that is the reason we are doing it or not.
Again from the Shakesville post:
"Men not being sexist shouldn't be contingent upon women not being misogynist. They should stop being misogynist just because it's the right thing to do... One thus sees that if the men who are misogynists weren't, the women who are misogynists wouldn't have any reason to be. Ergo, exhorting women to stop being misogynists so that men will stop gets it precisely backwards."

So the word I saw most used by misogynist women in regards to the footballer bullshit was the word Slut, and to be honest I've seen it used enough times in the past week to never want to hear or see it again. The word slut is a derogatory, insulting word used to offend promiscuous women - it's original uses also had connotations of a slut being a lowly, dirty person. This has not changed. Please don't try to tell me that calling a man a slut is the same thing, because it's really not, and if you want to argue that, go somewhere else.
It is women who are demonised for being promiscuous. Promiscuous, by the way, means having sexual relations with a number of partners on a casual basis, or being indiscriminate. Promiscuity is subjective - what may seem to you like an 'unreasonable' number of people to sleep with (let's say, two) is small fries for someone else, your taboo is someone else's fetish. Not to mention that women's sexuality is regarded as non-existent, or "receiving" of men's sexuality - and any woman daring to own or promote her sexuality is publicly dragged over the coals. Since promiscuity is subjective, there is no accurate scale for what is "too much" and there is no way you can ever call someone a slut and hide behind the excuse that she slept with "too many people". What you've just done is compared someone else's sexuality to your own and judged it to be immoral and inferior. Since when did a stranger's sexual life have any bearing on your own though?
This whole bullshit-explosion lately has made me think about these two issues and I really hope anyone reading this takes a moment to think about all the times they have hated a woman or used the word slut (or bitch, or cunt for the matter) and perhaps think twice next time you find yourself saying/feeling it, and try to examine why you're doing it.
It's hard enough to get by in the world just doing your own thing, and it's even harder when people are judging you unfairly for it.

Boobs

Hi guys! In this post, I will let the entire internet know about my intimate medical history! WOOH!

I have an extremely large lump in my left breast, about 3 centimetres in diameter. I have small boobs, so it's really not hard to find, it's pretty much THERE. Sometimes, especially around my period, it starts to hurt a lot, or when I wear push-up bras too many days in a row. Lately it's been giving me some pretty extreme pain - I can't sleep on my left side anymore and if I get hugged too hard, I wince.
I got it checked out about 3 years ago - I had an ultrasound and also a biopsy, which involved a doctor shooting a giant needle gun into my boob, while I got to watch on the ultrasound screen.
It turns out what I have is called a Fibroadenoma - or what my doctor called a "breast mouse", because sometimes they can move around in your boob. Wiki says fibroadenoma is a benign, painless, firm, solitary, mobile, slowly growing tumor found in the breast of women of child-bearing age. If they are small and not causing discomfort, doctors will mostly recommend leaving it where it is and as mine put it all those years ago "forgetting about it". I was only told that if it changes or gets bigger, get it checked out again. So this morning I had another ultrasound and next week I will be having another biopsy. I am most likely going to request that it be surgically removed because it really is too big for me to be comfortable with, and causing me pain. Unfortunately since my boobs are so small already, this will probably mean I'll be totally lopsided from now on. But I'm cool with that because then I'll kind of be like an Amazon.

The point of this post was that I want to raise awareness for breast health, I want you to know that if you feel something in your breast, you need to get it checked, I want you to CHECK your breasts and continue to check them. For some reason whenever I bring this up, people act strangely as if it is something to be ashamed of. Perhaps it's not the best topic for polite conversation but there is absolutely nothing to be ashamed concerning your boobs.
I was wondering all through today why it is that I have never heard of fibroadenoma before. One point is that because it is benign, and actually nothing to worry about, medical practitioners probably don't want women self-diagnosing. Because you could definitely be wrong, and putting your life at risk. But I'd also just like to raise awareness for the humble fibroadenoma because if I had known it existed, I wouldn't have spent all those nights crying waiting for my test results and just KNOWING that I had breast cancer. Because that's all you ever hear about - you've got a lump, it's cancer.

I'd also like to give what I believe the kids are calling "mad props" to all the women in the world who have elected to have double mastectomies. Although I'm not really of the mindset, I think a lot of women believe that breasts are intrinsic to your "womanhood", if you don't have breasts, you aren't a woman. And although I don't believe that at all, I know it would be incredibly hard to come to terms with no longer having breasts. I read recently about a woman who pre-emptively had a double mastectomy even though she was cancer-free because the rate of breast cancer in her family was so high it was pretty much certain for her. And in case anyone didn't know, the beautiful, awesome Christina Applegate recently had to undergo a double mastectomy to treat her cancer. I imagine these women are all the stronger for it.

Which brings me back to Amazon women and how in my mind, I like to equate breast cancer survivors to the awesome Amazons. In Greek mythology, the Amazons were an all-female nation of warrior women, a-mazos being Classical Greek for "without breast", as the warriors would have their right breast burnt or cut out to improve the aim of their bow or spear without getting a pesky boob in the way. They were fearless and strong - and that's what breast cancer survivors are.

I'd like to just end by sharing a few links to various breast cancer foundations and insitutes, which all need donations for research. Check out the pages, because they all have great information about where to go for breast screening, how to check your own breasts, information about risk factors, support for those with cancer, you name it, if you have boobs, you'll need to know it. And while I'm at it - when was the last time YOU had a pap smear?

Breast Cancer Australia - promotes awareness, does fundraising and offers patient accommodation.

Breast Cancer Network Australia - nationwide network of support for breast cancer patients, with all the information you could possibly ask for, also provides "My Journey Kits" for those newly diagnosed. Very comprehensive.

National Breast Cancer Foundation - the one you've probably seen the most of, with the pink ribbons and Sarah Murdoch as patron. Fantastic site, mostly built around fundraising - you can buy Pink products, donate, volunteer, bequest to the foundation in your will and also a brilliant idea - In Memoriam donations - where you request that instead of flowers at a funeral, the guests make a donation in memoriam.

Breast Cancer Insitute of Australia - You've probably donated before to this institute if you've ever bought any breast cancer merchandise from Avon. They're very well set up for fundraising and helping you hold your own fundraiser.

Breasthealth - I spent about half an hour getting sidetracked on this site while I was trying to write this blog. It's got great, comprehensive information and it's about "breast problems", not just cancer, so it covers fibroadenomas as well.

THIS is an Amazon warrior.