Stop using 'Rape' as a catch all verb

The word Rape means Rape. It does not mean "anything bad that happened to me".
Exams and assignments aren't capable of actually raping you. Inanimate objects and abstract ideas are not capable of raping you. One football team is capable of raping another football team, but saying that does not accurately describe what you meant to say, which is that one team won against the other in a game. A GAME. FOR FUN.

From 'Rape is Not Only Hilarious; It's No Big Deal';

Rape is a big deal, and the very least we can do for those who have suffered its excruciating indignity is talk about it with the honesty and gravity it deserves.

Once Again: Rape Is Not Your Personal Metaphor

Rape Culture: Still Not Funny

Passive Aggression: Foregrounding The Object

Thursday Confession

Thursday Confession
In which I try to reveal one of my obsessions, secrets, stupid kinks about myself that I wouldn't otherwise talk about in normal conversation.

I have an intense obsession with Medusa.
In Greek mythology, Medusa was one of the three Gorgon sisters - the other two being Stheno and Euryale. They are described thus:
Near them their sisters three, the Gorgons, winged
With snakes for hair— hated of mortal man—

In Ovid's Metamorphoses is it said that originally Medusa was beautiful and lived as a priestess in the goddess Athena's temple, but became filled with rage and hatred for men after she was raped by Poseidon in the temple. Athena effects a punishment upon Medusa, transforming her hair to snakes and disfiguring her face with blind fury so that any man who looks upon it will be turned to stone. It's good to see victim-blaming was alive and well back in BC.
The gorgons are conversely described as either being of monstrous form, or as beautiful as they are terrifying. I prefer the latter description.

In the tale, Perseus is sent by the his future father-in-law King Polydectes to retrieve Medusa's head as a gift. He travels to the island where the Gorgons live, and is aided by Athena and Hermes, who each give him magical swords, shields and the like as Gods tend to do. Perseus eventually decaptitates Medusa by looking at her reflection in his shield as he cuts off her head. He puts it in a sack and takes it back to the King. The sight of Medusa's terrible severed head turns the King to stone, Perseus' mother is saved, all is right with the world, some people go off and marry their mother, Zeus rapes a few more women, some guy travels to the ends of the earth for no reason, more women are condemned to Hades, the world keeps spinning and the heavens are still held on the shoulders of Atlas.
Athena is given the head of Medusa and attaches it to her shield, the Aegis, and by this time I think it's safe to say Athena is a stone cold bitch. But that's a post for another time.

While there are a lot of things to despise about this tale - punishing a victim for her rape, having her killed - the idea of Medusa is so alluring and so powerful that I can't help but love it. Even if she is murdered in the end, her power never dies. She is the personification of female power and raw fury. So gaze upon her.

Stay tuned for posts on Athena and Persephone!
Please leave a comment if you wish me to explore any other awesome woman figures in mythology - Greek, Roman, Celtic, Norse, I love them all.

Women can be misogynists too

After all the discussion of (yes I am bring it up once again) the crazy footballer sex/rape/whatevershutup saga, the one thing people keep talking about are the ugly attitudes emerging from people in regards to women...rape...sluts. And the one thing that keeps being said is "I can't believe these attitudes are coming from so many other women".
At first I was a little shocked too, possibly because I only ever discuss these topics in my online bubble of the feminist blogosphere so I guess I'm not used to being faced with "dissenting opinion" that is so incredibly WRONG. But the thing that you forget when you only ever talk to people who agree with your views is that women can be misogynists just as much or more than men.

Here's a quote from a Feminism 101 post at Shakesville that explains why women can be misogynists (do I really have to urge you to read the whole post?):
"Men and women are misogynist for different reasons: men to marginalize women, and women to ingratiate themselves with the men trying to marginalize them. Neither one is justifiable, but one is oppressive and the other is a (bad) strategy to deal with that oppression."

I agree completely with this sentiment and I can say that looking back on my younger self I can say for sure that I was a misogynist. I was told all my life that Real Girls (TM) only like pink, at school they play netball and they're not allowed to wear the same uniform as boys, and at lunch time they have to all sit around talking while the boys get to play. I internalised that I wasn't a Real Girl (TM) because I didn't like Britney Spears, and I liked my hair short and I kicked ass at soccer and because I would ride my bike with the boys. As I got older I realised that now instead of being indifferent to me, all the other girls had started to hate me for some unknown reason. I got enough teasing to last me a lifetime from boys, but mostly from girls, so I spent most of my school years avoiding girls, hating them because they all got to be perfect Real Girls while I was some kind of in-between, there was no way that I could possibly be a Real Girl, how could I be without compromising and giving up everything I liked?
But that's bullshit. There is obviously no definition for a Real Girl, no matter what society tells us - we are all Real Girls, let's just say by virtue of being a living breathing entity who was born/is transitioning to a woman. When I learnt this, I felt like a completely different person. I stopped defensively hating all those girls who I didn't even know, and the more I made friends with other girls I realised that none of them were those perfect pink Real Girls - they were all just like me, and often just as confused. We can't sabotage each other to earn the approval of the patriarchy - whether we will admit that is the reason we are doing it or not.
Again from the Shakesville post:
"Men not being sexist shouldn't be contingent upon women not being misogynist. They should stop being misogynist just because it's the right thing to do... One thus sees that if the men who are misogynists weren't, the women who are misogynists wouldn't have any reason to be. Ergo, exhorting women to stop being misogynists so that men will stop gets it precisely backwards."

So the word I saw most used by misogynist women in regards to the footballer bullshit was the word Slut, and to be honest I've seen it used enough times in the past week to never want to hear or see it again. The word slut is a derogatory, insulting word used to offend promiscuous women - it's original uses also had connotations of a slut being a lowly, dirty person. This has not changed. Please don't try to tell me that calling a man a slut is the same thing, because it's really not, and if you want to argue that, go somewhere else.
It is women who are demonised for being promiscuous. Promiscuous, by the way, means having sexual relations with a number of partners on a casual basis, or being indiscriminate. Promiscuity is subjective - what may seem to you like an 'unreasonable' number of people to sleep with (let's say, two) is small fries for someone else, your taboo is someone else's fetish. Not to mention that women's sexuality is regarded as non-existent, or "receiving" of men's sexuality - and any woman daring to own or promote her sexuality is publicly dragged over the coals. Since promiscuity is subjective, there is no accurate scale for what is "too much" and there is no way you can ever call someone a slut and hide behind the excuse that she slept with "too many people". What you've just done is compared someone else's sexuality to your own and judged it to be immoral and inferior. Since when did a stranger's sexual life have any bearing on your own though?
This whole bullshit-explosion lately has made me think about these two issues and I really hope anyone reading this takes a moment to think about all the times they have hated a woman or used the word slut (or bitch, or cunt for the matter) and perhaps think twice next time you find yourself saying/feeling it, and try to examine why you're doing it.
It's hard enough to get by in the world just doing your own thing, and it's even harder when people are judging you unfairly for it.

Inspired by the furore of Matthew Johns

Situations that are Definitely Rape:

In case you have a hard time figuring it out, these are some situations that are Definitely Rape/Sexual Assault!

- Consenting to have sex with two footballers, and upon entering the bedroom, being forced to have sex with another eight.
- Consenting to perform oral sex on your partner, and then being forced to have intercourse even though you said no.
- When you tell your husband you do not want to have sex and he makes you do it anyway.
- Meeting a guy in a bar, kissing him, going back to his place and telling him that you do not want to have sex tonight, then he forces himself on you.
- Beginning to have consensual sex with your partner, realising you are not in the mood, or you are being hurt, telling your partner to stop, and they continue anyway.
- Getting so drunk at a party that some guy helps you back to a room to lie down, then has sex with you while you are too drunk to move or talk.

- Having sex with one guy, then having sex with his friend, not wanting to have sex with his third friend, but he forces himself on you anyway.

The common theme in all of these situations is that somebody GOT RAPED. Rape is not rough sex. Rape is about control. It is showing another person that you do not view or value them as a person. Sex is the means by which to control. Rape is not about sex.

'Sluts' are not free game because they had sex with numerous people consensually before. When someone says they do not want to have sex with you, at the point in time that you are requesting sex, you are not allowed to have sex with them. Victims of rape DO NOT have a responsibility to NOT GET RAPED. RAPISTS have a responsibility NOT to rape. It is the rapist's fault that he raped someone. Rape is not a mistake.

If you are genuinely worried that your sexual encounter with a woman could be misconstrued as rape I urge you to take a few moments to check a few things.
- Are you sober? Is she sober? Is she drunk? Is she drunker than you? Is she so drunk that you doubt her ability to answer a simple math problem such as "What does 1 + 1 equal"?
- So you're both sober huh? Have you both let each other know that you like each other, and in so many words, respect each other as individuals?
- Have you discussed having sex before? Did she expressly say that she was or was not interested?

- Oh, so you think you're about to have sex huh? Is she making noises and letting you know in no uncertain terms that yes, oh yes, oh dear me, I really would enjoy having sex with you! At this moment in time, I am consenting and asking your consent in return!....in so many words?

Basically, if you aren't getting Enthusiastic Consent, back the fuck off. And if you are truly afraid or unsure of how your sexual advances will be taken by a woman, perhaps you should try getting to know her and earning her trust before you think it's okay by any stretch of imagination to just have sex with her anyway.

Sister Blister

Welcome to my new blog, you may have migrated over here from Zombietronics in which case, you are awesome, thanks for continuing to read what I have to say. I really do appreciate it.
If you're new, I hope you enjoy my future posts.
I stopped writing Zombietronics because I said a few things that offended some people in my life, and I don't want to apologise for things anymore. A lot of my readers were casual readers, and friends or family who were probably just reading because I'd asked them to. I felt that I was censoring myself a lot and basically I don't want to have to do that anymore. I think that I should be able to say what I want, and yes, maybe I should have continued to do it over there, but basically, I just wanted to start fresh. Because I like doing that. Zombietronics was my first attempt at blogging, and I'm keen to improve my writing style and content.

As for introductions - my name is Tash, I live in Brisbane, Australia, my birthday is actually next week and I will be officially no longer a teenager then, I work in an administration position for my parent's IT company, I am trying to study an IT course but I'm completely unmotivated at present, when I am not at work I'm most likely reading, I ENJOY spending the majority of my time in solitude and I find absolutely nothing wrong with that. I watch and obsess over films, I value my family more than anything else, I don't drive, I love to sing, when I get nervous I wring my hands and bite the inside of my mouth, I read the news a lot and it makes me depressed, but then I just play with my pet rat Reagan and everything is better. My favourite colours are green and purple, especially together, I have a 'cool sock' collection, I'm probably the only person in the world who really doesn't like swimming or the beach, I can't sleep unless there's a light on somewhere, when I grow up I want to be happy, I like rock n roll and I am a feminist.

The title of this blog - Sister Blister - is the title of an Alanis Morissette song that really means a lot to me. I've posted the lyrics below. The song describes how women compete with each other for the approval of men - even after all we've gained and acheived, we still fight to win in a patriarchy that will never let us truly win - it is all we know, and as long as we continue to live in such a world, it will always continue to happen. The message is that we need to stop sabotaging each other, the only way we'll ever have a chance to create gender equality is to work together. I love this message, because I will admit I have perpetrated this myself, and also been on the receiving end. We don't need to fight each other. There's already an entire world out there already keeping us back.

In this blog I will continue to talk about feminism and sexism, so if you're not interested or you "get sick of hearing about it", you should leave.
I will also wax lyrical about my life, the things that happen in it, the things that don't, the things I want, the things I need, things I've heard, things I've seen, and also about how awesome zombies and octopi are. If you'd specifically like me to address anything, leave a comment or write me an email, cause sometimes I get brain-dead for ideas and suggestions always help kick me into gear.

you and me we're cut from the same cloth
it seems to some we famously get along
but you and me are strangers to each other
cuz you and me:competitive to the bone

such tragedy to trample on each other with how much we've endured
with the state this land is in

you and me feel joined by only gender
we are not all for one and one for all

sister blister we fight to please the brothers
we think their acceptance is how we win
they're happy we're climbing over each other
to beg the club of boys to let us in

you and me estranged from the mother
you and me have felt impotent in our skin
you and me have taken it out on each other
you and me disloyal to the feminine

such a pity to disavow each other with how far we've come
with how strong we've been

you and me are on this pendulum together
you and me with scarcity still fueling

sister blister we fight to please the brothers
we think their acceptance is how we win
they're happy we're climbing over each other
to beg the club of boys to let us in

we may not have priorities same
we may not even like each other
we may not be hugely anti-men
but such a cost to dishonor a sister

you and me have made it harder for the other
we forget how hard separatism has been
you and me we can help change their minds together
you and me in alignment until the end

sister blister we fight to please the brothers
we think their acceptance is how we win
they're happy we're climbing over each other
to beg the club of boys to let us in